A new Thanksgiving ritual

When we were kids my sister and I started a weird holiday ritual where we would sit across the table from one another and take turns trying to blow out the candle in the centerpiece. The catch is that you can't lean forward, so it's basically a sort of pissing match based on lung capacity that typically results in splattered wax and one damaged ego (mine). Admittedly, it's a strange tradition, but as I grew older it turned into a sort of yearly mile marker that served as a reminder of how quickly time flies.

Last year was the first Thanksgiving I spent without my sister, Christina. She stayed in L.A. with her fiancee, Greg, and his family while my mom, step dad, and I made turkey for three. At the end of the meal I attempted to blow the candle out from my seat, but the game was pretty much pointless (not to mention endless) without her.

This year my mom invited Greg's parents to join us from California. We called it Operation Meet the Fockers. My sister volunteered to do the cooking, which was both a relief for my mother and an opportunity to demonstrate her homemaking prowess. Christina has a reputation for kitchen catastrophes, but she has come a long way from the12-year-old who baked the wet and dry ingredients of a cake separately because the recipe never explicitly said to mix them together.

Even though Greg and I were there to dutifully follow her orders, it still felt like I was observing the whole scene it from the outside. I'm not sure if Christina even realized what was taking place, but I was watching my big sister become a grown-up. All of a sudden I felt like the junior high version of myself watching her go off to the homecoming dance with her first boyfriend, a time when our two-year age gap never felt wider. Yes, being the youngest had its perks, but not even later bedtimes could make up for the fact that she was always two steps ahead of me in life. I didn't want to wait my turn, and anyone with older siblings can probably relate to this irrational age-based envy.

It's been a long time since I felt like her kid sister, but watching this holiday scene unfold brought me right back to that place. However, when it dawned on me that I am older now than she was when she first got engaged, I realized that I no longer ache to follow in her exact same footsteps. As we've grown up and taken different paths, the childish envy I once felt has been replaced with genuine respect and admiration.

This year my mom organized our seating arrangement so that Christina was closest to the kitchen with Greg and me to her left on the same side of the table. When we finished eating my mom and step dad started clearing the table, demanding that we rest after having cooked all day. Shortly after, I joined them to allow my sister and Greg time alone to entertain his parents. After they migrated to the other room I walked into the deserted dining room to grab the last of the dishes. Looking at the burning candle centerpiece, I paused. For a brief moment I contemplated calling my sister in for our annual showdown, but instead I leaned in close and extinguished the flame with a single quick exhale.

Single girl's fairy tale

I just got back from a community talk called The Perils, Pitfalls, Perks and Pleasures of Online Dating. Unfortunately, what I assumed was going to be some sort of amusing reflection on one woman's online dating adventures actually turned out to be a how-to lecture on internet dating.

There was no turning back after I walked in two minutes late and so confidently seated myself in the second row. Imagine the scene from the Friends episode when Chandler gets tricked into going to the one woman play called 'Why Don't You Like Me?' Like a bad date, all I could do was feign interest while taking mental notes on all the things I would later blog about.

In an early attempt to gain credibility with the audience the speaker admitted, "I met my first husband through a personal ad in the Metro Times, so I know this stuff can work." My eyes darted around the room quickly to see if anyone else found the statement more than slightly ironic, but apparently I was the only one. I thought to myself, maybe all of these people are still single because they lack an intelligent sense of humor before remembering my own pathetic dating track record.

At one point she was discussing the importance of finding a site that was intuitive and easy to navigate, acknowledging that the audience was of a particular age group that may or may not feel comfortable with the Internet - with a single glaring exception, of course. The only thing more awkward than being the youngest person in the room was having the speaker call attention to the fact that I was the youngest person in the room.

What I found most amusing (other than the fact that it was a total freak show) was the fact that so much of online dating requires one to use the same judgment that has obviously failed them in the past. Quite honestly, I don't think any of us are qualified to choose a match for ourselves based on a resume. What ever happened to fate? Even a control freak like myself can appreciate a little divine intervention.

I didn't go to the lecture with the intention of learning how to jump start my internet dating career, nor do I plan to put any of her advice to use. As much as I bitch about my dating life, I'm not looking to fill a particular void. This is a great time in my life to act selfishly without worrying about the effect it might have on someone else. I do what I want when I want without compromises, and anytime I start feeling restless with my dating life I remind myself that someday I will look back and miss this.

The following is from a card my mother gave me in June 2008, which I appreciate more each time I read it.

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy,
"Will you marry me?"
The guy replied, "No."
So, the girl lived happily ever after,
went shopping, dancing, drank martinis,
always had a clean house, never had to cook,
stayed thin and broke wind whenever she
wanted. The end.

Gen Y: Challenging the stereotype of entitlement

Sharalyn Hartwell is a national journalist at Examiner.com covering all topics related to Gen Y. She kicked off a month-long series today called Gen Y Gives Thanks, a project focused on combating the negative stereotype that Gen Y is ungrateful.

Speaking of gratitude, thank you to Sharalyn for challenging the Gen Y haters and for allowing me to contribute to this project.

No one would dispute that parents want the best for their children. Boomers were noted for wanting that so much, they often over indulged their children--Gen Y. Some experts believe that indulgence played a primary role in Gen Y’s propensity for ingratitude.

But, this isn’t necessarily so. The generosity of our parents may actually teach us gratitude and humility.

Gina Valo, a 26 year-old from Ann Arbor, Mich., is the perfect example. She says she has learned immense lessons in gratitude because of the things her parents gave her.

“I do not come from a particularly wealthy or well-educated lineage, but growing up I always knew I would go to an excellent college and my parents would foot the bill. They both worked extremely hard to save for my education and except a few chores, my sole responsibility was to focus on school.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but at the time I thought this was the norm and felt that earning straight As entitled me to a free ride to the school of my choice..."

Read the full article

Job Change: With Risk Comes Reward

I made a job change recently, which seems to have garnered a bit of judgment from the outside. I went from working for a company at the top of the Fortune 100 list to a local news startup organization. Sure, lots of people leave cushy jobs to join startups, but in this economy where newspapers are already in a downward spiral? Yes, it's a big risk, but so is complacency in your career (now I'm the judgmental one...).

Staying at Google would have been an easy choice. What's not to love about lava lamps and free lunch? Actually, I could give you a list, but I know better than to burn bridges with the man. At some point I had to ask myself what value I was creating for the organization and whether or not it was mutually beneficial. The truth is that, while I was good at my job, it was a waste of my talents. I learned to do one thing really well, but the only thing I created was ad revenue. The one exception was my assignment in India, which gave me a chance to identify inefficiencies and exercise my problem solving abilities.

Had I stuck around longer I could have been "promoted" to the exact same role only with 'manager' in the title and a little extra cash in my pocket. What I needed was a new India, so to speak, minus the constant heartburn and indigestion. I'm only in week three at AnnArbor.com, so the jury is still out, but based on what I know this organization has the potential to set a new precedent for local news and advertising. And guess whose job it is to make sure that happens...

Any job change comes with new challenges, a chance to develop new skills, and an entirely new network. I would argue that these are the very reasons why people should move around every so often. It's good for them and good for employers. The days of the corporate lifer are over - one of many reasons why The Office is so ridiculously funny. Nobody wants to be the next Michael Scott or Dwight Shrute, but dressing up a workspace in kindergarten colors and exercise balls doesn't make one immune. It doesn't matter where you work, you have to act as your own agent because it's no one's job to look out for you (not even your manager - they have their own careers to worry about).

Speaking of jobs and careers, it's important to point out that the two words are not synonymous. A job is what you do to pay the bills, but your career is your total output. I look at everything I do as career development; working, studying, volunteering, blogging, tweeting, yelping, yoga-ing, etc. I would even extend my definition of career to encompass the choices we make about marriage and family. Finding the right teammate - or choosing to go it alone - is essential to personal success and fulfillment, as is the decision of whether or not to have children. Being a spouse, parent, or even a premature Old Maid (which I happen to be an expert on) requires a certain amount of creativity, resourcefulness, and problem solving skills.

Looking at my job as only one single aspect of my career helped make the transition a lot easier. What I had expected to be a life-altering earth-shattering event turned out to be a mild disruption in my daily routine. This is not to belittle the role my job plays in my life and overall happiness, but rather a way to keep it in perspective as only one piece of a much bigger puzzle - where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

I know my decision will continue to raise eyebrows, but it's obvious to me that I made the right one. Along with the risk comes greater responsibility, opportunity, and creative license, not to mention a fancy 'manager' title and a little extra cash in my pocket.